Last year, Emu and a bunch of friends told me that they had heard a rumor about me. That basically I was a slut, and sliding from one bed to another. I personally thought it was hilarious. I mean, none of these people knew me. At All, and yet they felt qualified to talk about me, like they raised me. I remember when Emu told me she was slightly cryinng, and I leaned back in my chair and asked her why.

  I just don’t understand why people are talking about you soo badly. It makes me sad. and I stood up, gave her a hug and looked her straight in the eye. The truth is it just makes me laugh. I could cry about every little miniscule thing people have said about me, and I would be dry as the Sahara. The fact of the matter is, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! I truly don’t when it comes to situations like this, I have a motto. A lot of people know the simple misery loves company, but that’s not true. Misery doesn’t love company, it needs it, It can not live without it. 

  The people who are sitting there talking about me behind my back, cannot survive without me. They will probably never admit it, but it is the truth. Without me, they would never have anything to talk about. If they have nothing to talk about, they have nothing to criticize if there is nothing to criticize, then they have nothing to make themselves feel good, and if they don’t feel good, then they have to sit there and face their shitty lives.  And when they’re faced with the unbearableness of their lives. They end it, basically completing the cycle. So yeah, they need me. 

   Everytime I turn around I am dealing with the same problem and/or helping someone else deal with the same problem. Sometimes I get from people inside my own family like my grandmother. I think that is the one that hurts the most. When it actually does come from someone who has been around and has had a hand in raising you. They always say you can choose your friends but not your family, and they’re right. Your family is there with you, through thick and thin. They are the only people on this “whoever” given earth that will truly want to love and hate you in the exact same second of the day. But true family will never not be there for you, they are someone you can always count on to always be in your life, even when you don’t want them there. 

  Sure my grandmother and I don’t get along, nor do we completely agree on anything anymore, but that doesn’t mean I want to push her out of my life. She’s been there from the very beginning, if I lose that, then what do I truly have? The people that have been in your life from the beginning, are your foundation. Without your foundation your base is weak, and a weak base is very easily lost to the whims of your enemies. No matter, how much we fight or disagree I will always love her. No matter how angry she makes me, or I vice versa. 

 I tried to teach this to Maria, when she was having troubles with her ex, Al. I hope that it sank in, because her life will be soo much easier to bare, if she can let their sickening thoughts float past her. I am often the secret jar, for my group of friends. It was rather strange, I’ve been used to this job since I could walk, talk and understand, but my friend Sheneal, posed a very thoughtful question at dinner the other night. She began with thanking me for listening to her, which I replied the way I always do, I don’t have these big ears for nothing. She then tilted her head to the side and asked me who I talk to. At first I didn’t understand the question, she further explained by stating that I’m always listening to others as they spill their guts, who do I spill my guts too?

  I sat there for a long time pondering that, as I chewed on my welldone cheesy hamburger at the dining table. I didn’t really have an answer for her at that moment, but I guess, my blog carries like a quarter of the weight, and my brain and heart hold the other 75%. My blog can’t carry all the weight because no matter how open you are, there is always somethings that people should just not know. So, I guess until I find that one glowing example of whatever people see in me that allow them to open up to me, my heart will have big ears for me as well.

 Before I went home for our four day break that I am totally enjoying by the way, I had another test of my strength. Kris, the friend who I’m always there for, and was there to help him through his break ups, and his fathers death, and his other insecurities, basically sold me down the river, he told rich and a bunch of our other friends basically that I was playing them all, talking about them behind their backs and the like. 

 If I’m being completely truthful, it didn’t even hurt as Kris stabbed me in the back, I already knew it was coming, what hurt was everyone suddenly jumping on the bandwagon. When will people learn to stop believing what other people say and start investigating for themselves? Isn’t this how the world got fucked up in the first place, the reason Chuck lost Eva, The reason the Beatles broke up, Why Misty left Ash, Why Brock can’t get a girlfriend, the list just goes on and on. 

 So Kris, if you truly want to cut me out of your life go right ahead, but when it comes time for you to truly need a friend, just know you officially lost one that night.

Dueces.

Kousagii

Happy 70th anniversary John Lennon!