Hey Gang!

I come to you heavy hearted, tired, depressed and trying to be better. During the quarantine, I lost my job and my back up job, and was feeling very down. I decided to use the time I had to find another job, because how else was I going to survive? and also I wanted to be productive. The more things I could do was the less I would feel depressed.

I did wind up finding an amazing job that was still going during the quarantine, and I instantly felt better because I knew I wasn’t going to have to worry about money and paying my bills, but that should have given me pause. I finally had time to create, and focus on me, which I whine about often in my journals while I was working, sometimes 2 to 3 jobs at a time, and then I finally had it and all I was concerned about was living in the future, what this would all mean and how I was going to make rent.

I’m in training for this new job until the end of the month where I hit the floor and adjust to a new schedule, which I’m so very excited about. I am very much an afternoon to the night owl. So having to be awake, dressed and attentive at 8:30 am is a lot of work for me. It just doesn’t feel natural, and often my most creative times, I’m sleeping through because I have to be awake by the ass crack of dawn. ( I know its not actually that early but it really does feel like it for me. )

I was feeling down, because training was taking up all my time, and I had ruined my sleep schedule during quarantine when I was jobless and it was just a lot of work honestly. As a proud, loud, Black and Bi woman, social media can sometimes be rough for me. Videos of Police Brutality, Deaths of Black Women and Men, The racism that plagues other people of color, its pretty hard. I try to cultivate my feeds so that they are full of upbeat, creative, and unique people of color that will inspire me to get out of bed and try new things.

Within the last month, there have been 3 highly publicized murders of Black men and women. People are finally saying enough is enough and protesting all over the US. On one hand, I feel happy, empowered and so excited to see so many people stand for the cause. Stand for the ability for Black lives to live peacefully inside and outside of their homes. Companies and Allies with large reaches, sharing Black Lives Matter Content, Links for donations for causes that are prevelant to this matter, and even calling out companies, and content creators who have been silent.

Lets make no mistake. Being silent at this point in time, is the same as being the oppressor. The only reason you could even possibly silent right now, is because you’ve given your reach and platform to a black person to help strengthen the reach of their voice. That’s It. I’m very open about my blackness, what I love and don’t love about it, how it makes me feel when others come in contact with my blackness and how they respond, and how my queerness interacts with my everyday activity.

Being online right now, is a very divided activity. People not understanding why the protests are violent, not understanding that Protestors ARE NOT THE CAUSE, not understanding that the police officers smiling, kneeling, and marching with protestors in one video, are turning around and PEPPER SPRAYING CHILDREN IN THE FACE. and those that get it. As much as I am so heartfilled with the love that people have been showering on black people at this time, being online is extremely triggering for me.

Its a lot of hate, racism and people standing up, which is great for the last end, but I go through that on a daily if not weekly basis, I don’t need that to be the ONLY thing I see online. All of this to say that I’ll be taking a break from interacting on social media. I’ll still update the blog, I have a lot of ideas for upcoming content, and I’ll still be doing youtube. Just be patient with me, if you don’t see me on twitter and Instagram and Tik Tok.

I just need a breather. Black people need a breather. Please keep this energy up after this “calms down” because ya’ll can go back to your regular scheduled programming and your normal lives. We can’t.

Thank you for your support! Black Lives Matter! Save Black Lives! Protest! No Justice, No Peace!

Until…

Moriartie

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