Hey Gang! 

Chastity Bites, a quirky horror/comedy that I absolutely fell in love with. I missed it when it was originally released, but I’m willing to give anything with Allison Scagiotti in it the old college try. She’s been a crush of mine for a while, and I always make a point to try and watch whatever she’s in, Camille in Stitchers was my absolute favorite. 

The film takes place in a cheesy border town in California, and circles around mothers worried about their children’s virginity staying in tact until after graduation. In order to make this happen, they begin an abstinence club at school, a chapter of the “wildly popular” V.irgin A.ction G.roup, who is ran by champion of virgins, Liz Bathos. 

Our protagonist, Leah wants to be a journalist, and currently is a writer for her local newspaper, and through getting to the root of issues in her city, she has kind of burned quite a few bridges. Her only friend is Katharine, who is the epitome of a hippie love child struggling with her sexuality. 

Immediately, Leah knows that something just isnt right about Ms. Bathos, but she can’t put her finger on it. So, she’s determine to get to the bottom of it, and it becomes more dire, when her only friend decides to join the group, and team up with the resident mean girls that would never have interacted with if not for the group. 

After some research, she discovers that Liz, is actually the famed Virgin Serial Killer, Elizabeth Bathory, and thus tries to warn everyone even the “Hiltons” The resident mean girls on campus. When no one believes her, she is still determined to save the town, and teams up with brooding sweet boy, Paul, who captains the Philosophers club. Just let that sink in, the Philosophers club, has enough members in High school to need a captain. 

Paul is that quintessential brooding poetic boy I wish had existed when I was in high school. Sweet, kind, strong, and actually knows what 2nd wave feminism is and who Simone De Beauvoir is. 

I don’t want to spoil the film, because I absolutely want you to see it, so I’ll stop there, but when I tell you I was so excited about this movie, and the cheese it oozed, I mean it! This film is super fun, quirky, and queer good time, and I will recommend it to everyone. 

If you have seen this film, let’s talk about it on Twitter!

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Until next Time,

Moriartie